Judgment Day

For many, the next stop on the journey is a personal review, usually accompanied by a hefty dose of self-condemnation. It is easy to obsess over your shortcomings that turned into a selfish moment or a choice that turned out badly. You weren’t perfect, because no one is. But you were likely far better than you are giving yourself credit for right now.

​​

Whitewashing your mistakes won’t help. But they are not the whole story; there is also the good you did, or tried to do. That reality deserves recognition, even if you are having a hard time seeing it yourself. The goal is a balanced understanding of who you were in this relationship.

​​

Questions to Explore

​​​​​

What would a genuinely impartial observer – someone who knew you well and had no stake in the outcome – say about you and how you handled this relationship?

​​​​

Does "being accountable" mean answering only for your flaws, without regard for what you did right?

Are you acknowledging the care you provided then, or that you still extend even now?

​​​​

Collapsing into self-blame is often followed by a pivot to anger. Where are you in this process?

​​

​​​