This blog entry is a full-throated endorsement of using therapy to deal with the meaning of life. If that turns you off, read no further. And if you are interested? – come on in and have a seat!
Life has a way of making us pause and wonder, “Is this it? Have I done enough?” If you’ve ever asked yourself these questions, you might be experiencing what psychologist Erik Erikson called the Generativity vs. Stagnation stage. This typically happens in middle adulthood (around ages 40 to 65) when people start thinking about their legacy – what they’ve built, who they’ve helped, and what truly matters.
If you feel fulfilled, great! That’s generativity. It means you’re giving back, mentoring, creating, or making a difference in some way. But if you feel stuck, like time is slipping by and you haven’t done enough, that’s stagnation. It can feel like you’re going through the motions without real purpose. The good news? Therapy can help you find meaning, direction, and fulfillment in this stage of life.
Stagnation can show up in different ways. Maybe your career no longer excites you. Maybe your kids have grown up, and you’re unsure of your role now. Or maybe you had big dreams that never happened, and it feels too late to start. This can lead to frustration, sadness, or a sense of emptiness. Therapy can help you sort through these emotions, figure out what’s holding you back, and find ways to move forward. It’s not about making drastic changes (unless that’s what you want!). Sometimes, small shifts in perspective can make all the difference.
You probably are going to encounter regret and self-doubt as you embark on this journey. Many people in this stage struggle with regrets – things they didn’t do, chances they didn’t take. Therapy can help you process these feelings and shift your focus from what’s lost to what’s still possible.
Generativity often happens through relationships with family, friends, or the larger community. Therapy can help you reconnect with loved ones, build new relationships, or improve communication so you can feel more connected and purposeful. It also can show you how to find joy in the present. Sometimes, we get so caught up in what’s next that we forget to enjoy right now. Therapy can help you practice gratitude, mindfulness, and self-compassion so you feel more satisfied with your life as it is while still working toward growth.
I’m a fan of using therapy to deal with changes in life stages, and not just because I am a therapist. It’s because it has helped me. As I’ve transitioned through stages in my own life, it has helped to have a trusted professional to talk things through with. A therapist can help you clarify your values and goals. What truly matters to you? Do you want to volunteer? Mentor younger professionals? Start a passion project? Therapy can help you sort through these thoughts and feelings and identify a path forward.
The big advantage of seeing a therapist to talk these issues through is that you don’t see the therapist anywhere else in your life. That may sound obvious, but think about it: Your therapist will hear your thoughts without discounting them the way a friend might; will consider big changes you have contemplated without feeling threatened or scared the way a spouse might; and won’t blab about your innermost thoughts to other people. In a way, your therapist is “your person,” at least for the length of your sessions.
So, take heart. You aren’t the only one feeling this way. We know a lot about this stage of life. Help is available and you can and will get through it. No matter where you are in life, there’s always room to grow.
Here if you need me.
Tom
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