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At some point, you've done what you can do. You've examined yourself honestly, made whatever amends were possible, and reached an equilibrium, either with the relationship or with its absence. Life goes on and has slowly gotten better.

A full and meaningful life is possible even without resolving the estrangement. New routines take hold, with deeper friendships and new-found interests. The loss is still there, but it no longer defines every day.

 

Long stretches of genuine peace sometimes are interrupted by unexpected surges of grief, often because of an event such as the holidays, a wedding, a birth, or a death. The pain at these times doesn't mean you haven't made progress. It's a sign that you loved someone, and still do.

What you are building is not a life without the loss. It is a life large enough to hold the loss, and still move forward.

Questions to Explore

What do you do with the grief when it returns at a life event or the holidays? Do you accept it and move through it, or avoid it and push it away?

How has your life changed since the estrangement happened? What's filling the space?

Is there anything you want your child to know about how you're doing, even if you'll never be able to tell them?

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