Everyone’s a Narcissist, Except for You and Me. (And I’m Not So Sure About You).

Lately, it feels like everyone and their cousin is being called a narcissist. Scroll through social media, and you’ll see story after story about narcissistic exes, toxic friendships, and how to spot red flags faster than you can swipe left. But here’s a thought that’s been rattling around in my brain: What if we’re overusing these words? What if not everyone who annoys us or lets us down is actually toxic or narcissistic?

I get how labels help us make sense of confusing situations. If someone hurts us, calling them a narcissist might give us a quick explanation that feels neat and satisfying. It draws a clear line: I’m the reasonable one; they’re the problem. But life—and people—aren’t usually that simple.

Here’s a different possibility: What if they just don’t like you? I don’t mean that in a cruel way. I mean, what if you’re picking up on someone else’s discomfort or disinterest, and instead of jumping to a dramatic label, you just… notice it and let it be? We’re not meant to be liked by everyone. That’s not a flaw in us or in them—it’s just how human relationships work.

Or maybe they do like you, but they’re overwhelmed. Stressed. Lonely. Grieving. Exhausted. Preoccupied. Sometimes people are just trying to survive their day, and that might mean they don’t have the emotional bandwidth to show up for you in the way you hoped. That doesn’t make them toxic. It just makes them human.

Now, don’t get me wrong. There are people out there who are manipulative, self-absorbed, or emotionally unsafe. And it’s totally valid to protect yourself from them. But when we label every uncomfortable interaction as toxic or narcissistic, we risk losing the ability to understand people more generously. And maybe even more importantly, we risk losing the ability to reflect on ourselves.

Because here’s the kicker: we’ve all had selfish moments. We’ve all let people down. We’ve all been short or distracted or said the wrong thing. None of us are perfectly kind, attentive, or generous 100% of the time. (And if you think you are… well, that might be worth exploring.)

So maybe the goal isn’t to label and divide. Maybe it’s to get better at asking questions. “What’s going on for them right now? What’s going on for me? What do I need?” These are harder questions than “Are they a narcissist?”—but they tend to lead to more honest answers.

Be kind to yourself. And if someone’s not treating you the way you want to be treated, it’s okay to step back—even if they’re not technically toxic. You don’t need a diagnosis to make that decision. You just need to trust your own needs.

Here if you need me.

Thomas Wood, LCSW