Launching Your Kids into Adulthood

When parents talk about “launching kids into adulthood,” the image often resembles Apollo 13. In that 1995 Ron Howard film about real events, an oxygen tank exploded two days into the mission, leaving the astronauts stranded. Mission Control worked frantically to solve problem after problem and eventually brought the astronauts home.

It’s a dramatic true-life story, and the movie tells it well. But as a parenting model, it is terrible. In Apollo 13, Mission Control made the decisions while the astronauts passively hoped to be rescued. Many parents unconsciously follow that same script, assuming their role is to fix, steer, and decide everything for their young adult. The problem is that this approach leaves no agency for the very person becoming independent.

A better way to think about parenting young adults is to picture your son or daughter as the captain of a 747. They are at the controls, roaring down the runway toward independence. The captain sets the course, determines the altitude, and decides when to climb.

Yes, there’s a control tower offering advice, and perhaps a navigator giving suggestions. But they do not fly the plane. Parents are not copilots—they are more like the ground crew with glowing wands signaling the plane to turn left or right. Their job is to keep the wheels on the tarmac, to offer parenting during transition support, and to make sure the launch path is clear. But once the nose lifts and the plane rises into the sky, it belongs to the captain. Parents can’t—and shouldn’t—fly it for them.

That is the essence of preparing kids for independence. Parents shift from controlling to advising, from directing to supporting. The challenge is giving enough guidance to keep the plane steady on the runway, without holding it back from takeoff or fighting the captain for control.

This phase can feel bittersweet. Letting go is one of the hardest parts of empty nest parenting, but it’s also one of the most rewarding. Watching a young adult lift into the skies of independence is both humbling and inspiring. The parent’s role is to guide, trust, and ultimately let them fly.

Here if you need me.

Thomas Wood, LCSW