From Unmotivated Teen To Determined Treasure-Hunter

Many parents and teachers feel frustrated when they try to motivate teenagers by saying, “Think of your future.” Too often, the teen’s eyes glaze over. That’s because “the future” feels abstract and far away – and totally disconnected from the choices they’re making today.

In my work as a therapist for teens, I take a different approach. I tell them life is like a treasure hunt—and there is always someone who has the candy. The candy is opportunity, reward, recognition, and satisfaction. Their task is to figure out who has it, what it is, and how to get it.

For example, their parents’ boss has the “candy” of salary, benefits, and appreciation. The way their parents get the candy is by providing value—doing the work their boss wants and doing it well. Teens can understand this concept and apply it to their own lives.

To know who has the candy, you have to know what direction you will take after high school:

• College – Here, the candy is good grades, recommendation letters, and acceptance into a desirable school. Teachers have the candy.

• Trade school – The candy is skill development and mentorship. Teachers or experienced tradespeople have it.

• Direct entry to the job market – The candy is a paycheck, safety, and satisfaction. Employers have it.

Once teens know where they’re headed, I explain the simple rules of getting the candy:

1. Be nice. Polite, respectful, and friendly teens stand out. Adults reward kindness.

2. Try hard. Effort is usually noticed, and people appreciate those who take their work seriously.

3. Dress for success. Appearance matters when you are looking for opportunities. Figure out what the person with the candy thinks is acceptable, then look the part.

4. Repeat steps one and two. Being nice and trying hard consistently are the real game changers.

When framed this way, teens begin to see motivation differently. It’s not about a vague “someday” future—it’s about understanding the exchange of effort and reward right now. That shift can make all the difference.

Here if you need me.

Thomas Wood, LCSW